I often think that being able to freeze time would be the best super power to have. If I could freeze time I would freeze this moment right now. My dad sits at the top of the table, smiling and listening to the words of Elvis, my mam dances around the kitchen and myself and my sister laugh and look at each other knowingly. This is one of the moments I would freeze frame, I would stay here in it forever, this moment, where everything is well with our world. I wonder do other people think like this? That if I could just stay here and not move, if the world could stop spinning, just for a minute. Just so I can soak up this experience, drink it in, not lose it. But moments pass so quickly, quicker now than ever it seems. We move from one thing to the next at lightening speed. And I find myself wishing and constantly looking backwards, trying desperately to grasp onto things, to experiences, to conversations, to moments in time. I am realising more than ever the importance of making every minute count. I used to think that making your life count meant making huge differences in the world, doing a job that changed people’s lives, making people aware of the injustices in the world so we can do all we can to fight them. And I still believe in that, wholeheartedly, but for a long time I let that define me. I believed that if I could just make this world a better place then I will have done my job, I will have fulfilled my role on earth, my purpose.
But I wonder now about my purpose, I wonder what that really means. I look at my dad and I see his wonderful legacy on this earth but I don’t see it in a job he did or a car he drove or even the house he helped build for us. I see it in my nephew’s eyes, I hear it in my niece’s laughter. I see it in my brother’s as they pick up his mantle, as they get more and more like him every day. As friends and family phone and call by, to visit and chat. His legacy and my mam’s legacy is in us, we are steeped in it, surrounded by it and grounded in it. It is where we get our sense of justice, of right and wrong. It is why I have grown up with such a strong sense of purpose. But somewhere along the line I lost sight of the fact that all things matter, I became consumed with a mission, a good mission, a noble mission. But in there somewhere I lost myself. I forgot that the everyday matters, that the conversations and laughter I have with friends over coffee and ice-cream are just as important as the articles I write about human trafficking and slavery. I forgot that taking my goddaughter to the cinema now, will become a memory she cherishes as she gets older. That building the foundations of that relationship is what will more than likely bring her to my door when she is 16 and needs a break from being a teenager. I forgot that sitting in silence with somebody is better than sitting without them. I look at the people who have gathered around us, I feel like there is a protective bubble around my family made up of the people who love us. And the thankfulness I feel in my heart cannot be put into words.
But that didn’t just happen, legacies don’t just appear, love grows. And life is full of opportunities for love and moments of connection. But I miss them, sometimes I feel like we all miss them. We are desperate to get to the next thing, the next meeting, the next appointment. But what about this appointment, right now, this moment. What are you doing with it? Who are you spending it with?
The reality is, we can’t stop time, time moves; life changes. It is the inescapable reality of life. But we do have a choice with what we do with it. Yes we have a purpose on this earth, we all have gifts and talents and skills we can use. But I believe we were created for more than just a job or a role, we were created for relationship. Relationship with each other, relationship with God, with our world. And because of that we will change the world around us. But if I don’t stop and slow down I am going to miss it.
Often to make me feel better about some terrible situation, my lovely colleague in work says that the earth is just a blip in comparison to eternity, and this may be true. But it is our blip, life has been breathed into us, gifted to us from the Master’s hand. Moments have been wrapped up like glittering presents, waiting for us to unwrap them. And yes sometimes those moments are hard, some of them are near to impossible to cope with. But some of them, some of them are beautiful, unique. Some of them, like a smiling father and a dancing mother are magical. So I am learning to grab them, treasure them, be thankful for them. And to live and love like every moment is the last.
ilooktothehills 